Yesterday was a terrible day. I was at my lowest and my husband almost made me commit adultery. That was when I realized I needed help. What did I do? I was browsing the internet, downloading hook up apps cos I wanted a man to f#ck me so bad. Yes, you heard me…I wanted a man to f#ck me…do you know why? Because I am a married woman, married for four years and my husband has not f#cked me for almost nine months now.
I need help because I am finally loosing my mind. I met my husband through a mentor in church five years ago. Thompson my husband was introduced to me as a very vibrant church worker in prison evangelism department. At the time, Thompson was 41 years old and still single. Everyone believed him that he was waiting on God to show him his wife. There were very high commendations that many girls tried to seduce him but he rejected them all.
Myself, I just have been praying to God for one full year for my husband after my last relationship almost broke me. I dated my ex for two years and he was a idiotic narcissist. He made me feel like I was not good enough and eventually, I doubted myself and lost my way. After a year of praying, I thought used my mentor to bring me Thompson. And then Thompson confided in me on our wedding night, that he was a virgin. Ha….I never seen a male virgin.
I had to be the understanding wife, started teaching him everything about s3x and how to pleasure each other. Of course, it was awkward but I have never seen a male virgin and I felt this must be normal for a 41 year old male virgin. He could not get an erection on our wedding night, so I showed him other forms of intimacy which he seemed to like. The next morning, he got an erection and he was so happy that he f#cked like a horse, I bruised. We laughed over it but that was the last s3x we had until two months later.
And that has been our marriage, we make love once in two months or so. I became worried cos when he does not make a move, I make a move but he will say he is not in the mood. Ha, I started worrying and praying to God and God made me get pregnant after one year of marriage. Throughout my nine and a half months of pregnancy, there was no s3x. I cried all through. I reported him to our pastors and he told them that he is not into s3x cos he has been without it for over 40 years of his life. That Bro Thompson is a very spiritual brother, that I should thank God for such a man who is very pius and holy.
I cloned to his phone to check if he was cheating, I did not see any evidence. When I got my baby, we resumed s3x but this time, once in four months and he lasted less than 3 mins I swear. I started getting more worried but everyone advised me to focus on raising our daughter, and to keep praying for him. I also tried to introduce romance into the marriage but he was just not responsive…no kissing…no cuddling…when I invite him to watch a movie, he says its carnality.
Thompson is just emotionless. I can’t say I never noticed it when we were dating but I thought he was just being a shy Christian brother but now I know he is just not into this thing called romance or s3x. That he does not even want to learn is weird. I eventually got his family involved, his brother and his brother told me that the family knows that Thompson is weird and they suspect he was abused maybe when he was in boarding school cos he bever had a girlfriend all his life. They never ever saw him with a girl. The brother just told me to be patient, and be his friend that perhaps, Thompson will learn to be a better husband one day.
Well, after a year of this challenge, I started masturbating to satisfy my urges. I became so addicted that even when watching p#rn, I would not be satisfied. I needed a man , a real man inside me. I prayed to God, I cried…I begged my husband…he said I was being carnally minded, that man must not live by bread alone, that I should fast for God to remove my over high libido. I told him I am feeling temptation to cheat and this man said he will not be upset if I cheat ….that he is a Christian and he will forgive me if I cheat. That was when I lost it. Which man in his right senses will say such a thing to his wife?
My own husband is giving me permission to cheat!!!. I wanted to test him, so when he came for the usual once in a month s3x, I turned him away and he did not even say anything. I stayed away from him and started sleeping in my daughter’s room. He did not flinch. That was nine months ago. For the past three months, I have bee trying to find someone to sleep with me. The thing is eating me up. I look at men around me and I been seriously flirting with them but I get scared when they try to respond to me in that manner.
So, I thought maybe I should find a stranger online to do this, so I went looking for hook up apps…and the ones I downloaded asked for details and I wanted to remain anonymous so I dumped it. I was so miserable yesterday. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. Then I started reading why a man would not like s3x. I read many funny things but one thing I read made me start being suspicious. I read that maybe my husband could be gay.